Tuesday, February 17, 2004
So Pili broke up with me. This is what I wrote to her, more or less. I also alluded to the fact that she was hanging around with her friend who knew as much about relationships as a horse's ass.
'Dear Pili,
I think that I knew you were going to come to this decision, but I was still dreading it. I have missed you alot in these past couple of days, and thinking about you, and I think I'm going to miss you alot more in the future. I don't think I want to talk to you on Wednesday though. If your reasons haven't changed, I don't want to hear them again. I don't see the point of talking if we both know what the outcome of this situation is going to be. That way, you won't have to worry about hurting me any more, and I won't have to go through an unpleasant situation.
I don't want you to come to Korea. It's not easy for me to turn off the lover's switch, and just be your friend. I do want to be your friend, but it's going to take alot of time. I'll make you this promise, I will definitely e-mail you again on Nov. 11th, if not before. I'll write you e-mails like I write to all of my friends, on how I'm doing here, but don't expect me to reply to you if you answer. And you can do the same, but don't expect me to reply. I hope you understand why I have to do this. I've written you a letter explaining how I feel. I hope it helps, but I don't think it will.
I'm going to take your pictures down off of my wall. I'm going to stop saying good night my love to you, which I have been saying every single day since I got here, and I am going to throw our rings, and your necklace into the Taewa river.
I'm going to ask you one last favour. Try to understand why this hurts so much. You have been talking about how complicated you are, and asking me to understand you. But I don't think you ever made much effort to understand me. So, without me in your life for a while, try to understand me. I'm not asking this for my sake, because it's irrelevant now if you ever understand me or not, at least to me, but so you won't make the same mistakes with other people, and you won't throw away the very good things that happen to you.
I don't want you to regret this decision. But in a way I do, because that means all of those wonderful words you told me before were true, and not lies, as they seem to be now.
I love you still with the powerful love I felt in the first few days we knew each other. And because you don't understand how that's different from the love you have for a cat, or a toy, I have to leave your life for awhile. Maybe when the pain isn't as great, I will return.
Adam.'
I think that it's a good thing though. No more waiting and emotional turmoil.
p.s. I hope your mother is o.k.
'Dear Pili,
I think that I knew you were going to come to this decision, but I was still dreading it. I have missed you alot in these past couple of days, and thinking about you, and I think I'm going to miss you alot more in the future. I don't think I want to talk to you on Wednesday though. If your reasons haven't changed, I don't want to hear them again. I don't see the point of talking if we both know what the outcome of this situation is going to be. That way, you won't have to worry about hurting me any more, and I won't have to go through an unpleasant situation.
I don't want you to come to Korea. It's not easy for me to turn off the lover's switch, and just be your friend. I do want to be your friend, but it's going to take alot of time. I'll make you this promise, I will definitely e-mail you again on Nov. 11th, if not before. I'll write you e-mails like I write to all of my friends, on how I'm doing here, but don't expect me to reply to you if you answer. And you can do the same, but don't expect me to reply. I hope you understand why I have to do this. I've written you a letter explaining how I feel. I hope it helps, but I don't think it will.
I'm going to take your pictures down off of my wall. I'm going to stop saying good night my love to you, which I have been saying every single day since I got here, and I am going to throw our rings, and your necklace into the Taewa river.
I'm going to ask you one last favour. Try to understand why this hurts so much. You have been talking about how complicated you are, and asking me to understand you. But I don't think you ever made much effort to understand me. So, without me in your life for a while, try to understand me. I'm not asking this for my sake, because it's irrelevant now if you ever understand me or not, at least to me, but so you won't make the same mistakes with other people, and you won't throw away the very good things that happen to you.
I don't want you to regret this decision. But in a way I do, because that means all of those wonderful words you told me before were true, and not lies, as they seem to be now.
I love you still with the powerful love I felt in the first few days we knew each other. And because you don't understand how that's different from the love you have for a cat, or a toy, I have to leave your life for awhile. Maybe when the pain isn't as great, I will return.
Adam.'
I think that it's a good thing though. No more waiting and emotional turmoil.
p.s. I hope your mother is o.k.
So, I'm tired, I have a headache, and I really have to pee. But something happened which I feel needs to be noted. There, I peed. I didn't have the concentration necessary to write this. Pili broke up with me. I'm not surprised or anything. Just a bit sad. I have to go home and take down our pictures from the wall. Remove reminders of her from my life. I'm surprised how calm I am by this all. Maybe I was expecting this for a long time. If it happened without any warning, I would have been worse, I think.
There are advantages to this of course. One of them is that I can now enjoy 6 months of comitment free life in Korea. I put a profile on one of those internet dating sites, and a really hot girl wrote to me. Of course I have to figure out how to send her an e-mail without paying a shit load of money. Of course, Judit remains most fine. I just don't want to scare her away by being too eager.
I think my plans are now to finish my contract in September and then return to Canada for a couple of months, for my mom's wedding and to take a training course so I can work where I want, and not just in Korea. So, I've been writing missives of the break up to all my friends, so I'm a bit tired. I'll write more later, or on Thursday.
There are advantages to this of course. One of them is that I can now enjoy 6 months of comitment free life in Korea. I put a profile on one of those internet dating sites, and a really hot girl wrote to me. Of course I have to figure out how to send her an e-mail without paying a shit load of money. Of course, Judit remains most fine. I just don't want to scare her away by being too eager.
I think my plans are now to finish my contract in September and then return to Canada for a couple of months, for my mom's wedding and to take a training course so I can work where I want, and not just in Korea. So, I've been writing missives of the break up to all my friends, so I'm a bit tired. I'll write more later, or on Thursday.
