Wednesday, February 18, 2004
So it's official. I've been dumped. I miss her already. I know it's strange because I live in Korea and she lives in Ireland. But I've never felt that she was far away. We've always been good communicators, I guess. The thing I miss the most is just talking to her about my day. I guess I miss having an audience. Even if it's only one. I'm not going to talk to her for awhile though. It's just too hard. I imagine it's pretty rough for her too, but at least she's probably a bit relieved. She doesn't have to live up to my expectations any more. But the crazy part is, and I don't understand it right now, they were her expectations too, at least for a time. She wants to know how she can help me without hurting me. I don't see that it's possible right now.
I think Judit is not as excited to know me as I am to know her, but I don't know. It's still early. I think if our correspondance survives the next month it will survive for years. She's just one of those people that you connect with.
The federal government finally caught up with me, about my student loan. Or at least a collection agency did. The lady seemed to suggest that I would go to prison if I didn't pay. I'm not sure that's quite legal, but I don't relish the thought of going to debtor's prison, even if it is Romantic, in the Wordsworthian meaning of the term. Any seeing as I now have a stack of money without any clear purpose, I'll give it to them, or at least enough for them to get off of my back for a while.
Will I ever find anyone who can accept me for what I am, and what I need? It seems like a beautiful dream is over.
I think Judit is not as excited to know me as I am to know her, but I don't know. It's still early. I think if our correspondance survives the next month it will survive for years. She's just one of those people that you connect with.
The federal government finally caught up with me, about my student loan. Or at least a collection agency did. The lady seemed to suggest that I would go to prison if I didn't pay. I'm not sure that's quite legal, but I don't relish the thought of going to debtor's prison, even if it is Romantic, in the Wordsworthian meaning of the term. Any seeing as I now have a stack of money without any clear purpose, I'll give it to them, or at least enough for them to get off of my back for a while.
Will I ever find anyone who can accept me for what I am, and what I need? It seems like a beautiful dream is over.
