Confessions from the Killer Mime Cult

The End


so this is it then-
the end
there's nothing left
for us to do but
crumble
like giant, marble pilars
roofless, that say
to the passing centuries
that one once upon a time
somebody thought this
place was special.

I never wanted
it to end
short of death
and maybe not
even then
But I am free now
to follow scents
in the wind.
Your pictures are gone
from the wall
and I notice the
empty spaces.

Well, I must say that right now I am thoroughly confused. My morning started out with two e-mails, one from Judit, and one from Kasia. Judit was telling me the story of her relationship with a guy from Cyprus. She has been living with him for six years, and now they have ended their relationship, but he still lives with her. They live as separately as possible, though, and he's supposed to be moving out in the spring. They broke up because of personality problems. He is very critical of her, and can only express his affection, by buying her things. She wouldn't have to worry about that with me. At least the buying things part. But I think of Pili and I. If it was some case of her not liking my personality, I would understand. I don't know what it was, although she has told me her words, I don't comprehend them. So, she's single. Judit I mean. It would probably be January before I made it to Hungary though, and that's an awfully long time. Anything could happen.
The other email I got was from Kasia. It was good to hear from her, but as ever, it was very enigmatic. She didn't understand why Pili dumped me, (join the club) and told me some problems she was having with Artur. Like he has this big debt (join the club), and he seems adrift. She wants her husband to be more financially stable. (She's already thinking about this? Yikes! I mean she just started going out with the guy a few months ago.) But then she told me that I could find work in Poland, in Lodz, and that I could be happy there. That's her way of saying I want you around, if you were around something could happen between us. Of course, she doesn't come out and say that, that's not her style.
So I am at this point awash in all of these different options, and then I'm just about to go to class when I'm handed this stack of mail. One's a bank notice, that they're going to close an account I haven't used in 7 years. One was from the Cathedral in Peterborough telling me what I needed to do to get the papers for my now non-existent wedding. The last one was from Pili, written before she broke up with me. It was written about two weeks ago. It was about alot of things, but what I don't understand is that she makes all these comments about how wonderful I am. Not the kind of thing you do before you break up with someone and break their heart. That hurt the most. That letter of praise. If she disliked me, or couldn't stand me or something, I could understand that. Even though I wasn't going to write to her for awhile, I typed out the bits where she was telling me I was wonderful, and just told her that I didn't understand how she could dump me, that she wasn't complicated, just silly, and that I really missed her, but I was very confused. Because I am very confused.
So that's been my day. I have to go e-mail Kasia and Judit.