Thursday, March 04, 2004
I had a dream today. It was about Nikki. I guess my subconcious is working overtime. I was at a summer camp or something, and I knew she was going to be there. I wanted to ask her advice about the Pili situation, but she thought I wanted to get back together with her. She told me in no uncertain terms that it was impossible, but she really missed having me in her life. Yeah, I miss her too. I made this mistake a few years ago, and lost a really good friend. I don't want to lose Pili as a friend, but I never wanted to be just her friend, you know? It's going to take a really long time to adjust to that loss. I feel like an orphan. I feel like I lost someone I could talk about absolutely anything, no matter how banal it was, and she would care about it. Of course, maybe I'm idealizing it, now that it's gone. I'm starting to write to Korean women, in the hopes of meeting them someday, and maybe having a relationship. Dan and I went out for Korean barbeque last night. It was fun. I feel a depression coming on. Why do I end up antigonizing everyone I know?
