I'm hanging out at the pc bang, because Dan and JP, are playing monopoly and there's no way I'm going to be able to get to sleep there. But I have been here three hours already, and my plans of going for a walk have been thwarted by the acid rain. I called my mom today. It was nice. Pii and I are talking again, which is good. It's nice, and it seems to be making her happy. Although she doesn't seem much happier now then when we broke up. I'm going to meet Sumin's parent's this tonight. It should be fun. I should go to bed and get something to eat. I'll write more after I come back from Daegu.

Why do I bother even talking to Pili? It goes from bad to worse. First she said she really wants children, and then we broke up because of the whole marriage thing. I don't think she has any idea why it would bother someone if their signifigant other didn't ever want to make some kind of committment. I suppose it's good that I am actually talking to her because we are at least communicating, which is better than not communicating at all. I don't feel any bitterness about it, just a sort of mild irritation. Maybe if I move through the irritation we can be friends again. It's hard, but I think if I just run away, I'm going to have this problem later. I think a spiritually mature person would make the effort, and as I am trying to be a spiritually mature person, I will make the effort.

Wow, two weeks and I haven't written anything. I suspose I need motivation. Things are going well. Went to a Norebang with Jen, Rachelle, and Lucy. Got really drunk and sang alot. It was fun. Jen can get really pissy when drunk though. They were mad at me because I was talking to a Korean girl and I thought she was hot, but then they proceeded to chat up some Korean men. I don't know how that's different from what I was doing. I'm going to Daegu next week with Sumin, and on Wednesday I have a holiday so I'm probably going to do something with Rachelle and Jen. Work was really crappy last week. I felt like quiting, and I haven't felt like quiting in a long time. I won't quit with so little time left. I do enjoy my life, even though it may not seem like it at times. Pili wrote me a letter. She asked for my address, so I sent it to her, but she couldn't wait and sent it to my brother's. And that's her trying to keep in touch. I told her it's still too soon. I mean, it is, I went from thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with her three months ago, to our current state of affairs. I need time to adjust. Going to go read stuff about Sihkism.

so late nite at the old pc bang yet again. im back on one of my life is meaningless stages. went out with rachelle and jen for a drink and talking. and talking and talking. i swear that rachelle could talk the ass off of a stone monkey. i just felt this wierd moment where jen said something and i felt some kind of spark, but i wasn't sure if i was making it up, and then we walked to this other bar, and i wanted to talk to her, because i really enjoy it, but she ended up talking to this other person, and i felt unloved and unwanted and all of that crap. by the way, im drunk and i have a cold. i wrote a rather biligerent e-mail to pili but luckily even wen wasted i hav sum common sens. im just a monkey chained to an organ grinder's lap, i'll dance for you, i'll dance for you, and you quietly clap. today at work, boss woman come up real big and say, 'yo, we losing students, dig, you fault, reflects on the teachers too.' Bitch. She don't ever say, hey you're doing a really good job, but you could work on this. Yeah, that was my whole immitation of other people's crappy blogs. At least mine's somewhat grammatical. Check you later sensei.

There's a Blue Rodeo song, it goes something like, 'it hasn't hit me yet.' It's hit me. Hard. I still love Pili. That's the worst thing, when a relationship ends but you still have powerful feelings for that person. I still think about the stupidest things, like listening to the quiet rain on the leaves in the morning as we slept at our Harvey street apartment. The saddest thing is I'm trying to get on with my life, but it still hurts. I don't think Pili is going through this. I don't know anything about her. I'm listening to the Ottawa Senator's game. That used to drive her crazy. It's strange how people can get irritated by things like that, the things that people care about and are interested in. I don't know. This has been the second night in a row that I've been obsessing about her, about the times we had together. I actually told her I loved her in my mind. The crazy thing is that I think my life, at least in Korea, is much better, than when I was going out with her, but I would be estatic if she would take me back. Sad, but true.

So last night Sumin and I went out to a Dvd bang. It's basically a room where you can watch dvd's. I picked the movie. I picked a movie called talk to her. It's a spanish movie, the last spanish movie I watched with pili. That was fun. Having to explain to someone who speaks very little english that my ex girlfriend was spanish and that I can speak spanish. i honestly didnt pick the movie conciously, im sure that it was unconcious. luckily, she fell asleep during the movie. we then went out for something to eat after the movie, it was nice. I really like her. I don't know what is going to happen or what i want to happen. i'm open to anything. ive got to go to the drama thing tonight i dont want to because jens not going to be there, and i think that i'll have most of the responsibility for leading the group. I don't want to lead the group. I just want to sit back and have fun. That's me, irresponsible me. Anyway, nothing much else to report, think i'm going to hang out with sumin for awhile until I've got to go to the meeting.

It's been awhile since I wrote anything here. Everything is going o.k. I'm still pretty busy with work. I have ten classes in a row every friday. I'm pretty tired. Sumin and I seem to be exploring the possibilities. No spark yet. I'm attracted to her, but I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with her. I still miss Pil, I have good days and bad days. I feel that I am unable to communicate anything right now, I'm too tired. I'll write more tomorrow, probably.