I've informed most of my friends and family that I'm going out with Sumin. They seem to be collectively underwhelmed. They all have different reasons for that, but someone could have said, that's great that you're happy. Josh is peeved at me because I gave him some advice. He always wants it, and then doesn't want it. Oh well. My mom is probably worried that I'll stay in Korea forever. I might not stay in Korea forever, but there's no way I'm ever living in the greater Highgate area. Judit isn't responding probably because she had this ideal of me as a 'rescuer' taking her out of her problems. Kasia isn't responding because she never does anyway. Pili is probably peeved that I have found someone that I like so soon after she dumped me. I think that she shouldn't have dumped me in the first place if the fact that I've moved on in my life is such a big deal for her. She is a great person, Sumin is I mean. The fact that no one is excited for me, is turning me into a petulant child. So somebody out there say that you're happy for me, damn it!

So I met Sumin's parents today. They are really nice. Her mom cleared up the whole problem I've been having with wondering if we are going out or not. So when we had a moment to ourselves, we talked about it and it turns out that she wants to be my girlfriend, but she isn't sure she loves me. That's o.k., I mean, I just figured out that I do love her today. It might take a moment like that for her, too. I want to see her again, and maybe when she doesn't have to work after her nightclub job in Ulsan and go to Pusan, I'll see more of her. We haven't kissed, which is strange, for me. This is the first girlfriend who's been my girlfriend first, without the kissing. But this is Korea, right. I think I could be happy with her. She doesn't demand much, and she isn't like other Korean woman, I think. She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it. Anyway, I have to go email Josh to tell him the news. I wish I had brought a camera, as Sumin's family lives in a very rural part of Korea. They didn't even have an indoor toilet. There were cows directly outside, the kitchen, a very rural southwestern Ontarian octagenarian kitchen. I felt really comfortable.

I'm hanging out at the pc bang, because Dan and JP, are playing monopoly and there's no way I'm going to be able to get to sleep there. But I have been here three hours already, and my plans of going for a walk have been thwarted by the acid rain. I called my mom today. It was nice. Pii and I are talking again, which is good. It's nice, and it seems to be making her happy. Although she doesn't seem much happier now then when we broke up. I'm going to meet Sumin's parent's this tonight. It should be fun. I should go to bed and get something to eat. I'll write more after I come back from Daegu.

Why do I bother even talking to Pili? It goes from bad to worse. First she said she really wants children, and then we broke up because of the whole marriage thing. I don't think she has any idea why it would bother someone if their signifigant other didn't ever want to make some kind of committment. I suppose it's good that I am actually talking to her because we are at least communicating, which is better than not communicating at all. I don't feel any bitterness about it, just a sort of mild irritation. Maybe if I move through the irritation we can be friends again. It's hard, but I think if I just run away, I'm going to have this problem later. I think a spiritually mature person would make the effort, and as I am trying to be a spiritually mature person, I will make the effort.

Wow, two weeks and I haven't written anything. I suspose I need motivation. Things are going well. Went to a Norebang with Jen, Rachelle, and Lucy. Got really drunk and sang alot. It was fun. Jen can get really pissy when drunk though. They were mad at me because I was talking to a Korean girl and I thought she was hot, but then they proceeded to chat up some Korean men. I don't know how that's different from what I was doing. I'm going to Daegu next week with Sumin, and on Wednesday I have a holiday so I'm probably going to do something with Rachelle and Jen. Work was really crappy last week. I felt like quiting, and I haven't felt like quiting in a long time. I won't quit with so little time left. I do enjoy my life, even though it may not seem like it at times. Pili wrote me a letter. She asked for my address, so I sent it to her, but she couldn't wait and sent it to my brother's. And that's her trying to keep in touch. I told her it's still too soon. I mean, it is, I went from thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with her three months ago, to our current state of affairs. I need time to adjust. Going to go read stuff about Sihkism.

so late nite at the old pc bang yet again. im back on one of my life is meaningless stages. went out with rachelle and jen for a drink and talking. and talking and talking. i swear that rachelle could talk the ass off of a stone monkey. i just felt this wierd moment where jen said something and i felt some kind of spark, but i wasn't sure if i was making it up, and then we walked to this other bar, and i wanted to talk to her, because i really enjoy it, but she ended up talking to this other person, and i felt unloved and unwanted and all of that crap. by the way, im drunk and i have a cold. i wrote a rather biligerent e-mail to pili but luckily even wen wasted i hav sum common sens. im just a monkey chained to an organ grinder's lap, i'll dance for you, i'll dance for you, and you quietly clap. today at work, boss woman come up real big and say, 'yo, we losing students, dig, you fault, reflects on the teachers too.' Bitch. She don't ever say, hey you're doing a really good job, but you could work on this. Yeah, that was my whole immitation of other people's crappy blogs. At least mine's somewhat grammatical. Check you later sensei.

There's a Blue Rodeo song, it goes something like, 'it hasn't hit me yet.' It's hit me. Hard. I still love Pili. That's the worst thing, when a relationship ends but you still have powerful feelings for that person. I still think about the stupidest things, like listening to the quiet rain on the leaves in the morning as we slept at our Harvey street apartment. The saddest thing is I'm trying to get on with my life, but it still hurts. I don't think Pili is going through this. I don't know anything about her. I'm listening to the Ottawa Senator's game. That used to drive her crazy. It's strange how people can get irritated by things like that, the things that people care about and are interested in. I don't know. This has been the second night in a row that I've been obsessing about her, about the times we had together. I actually told her I loved her in my mind. The crazy thing is that I think my life, at least in Korea, is much better, than when I was going out with her, but I would be estatic if she would take me back. Sad, but true.