Yeah, so I went to the bank today. It was an excercise in frustration. I think I sent money back to Canada, but I won't know until I call my bank back home. Yeah, so Josh stuck up for in me in an e-mail saying that Pili is well, Pili and that I've never been a mooch. Thanks bro' you rock. Not much more to say, last day of vacation and then I have to go back to work. I'm planning what I'm going to do when I go back to Canada. I'm thinking of taking the CELTA in Hungary, but I just got an offer to work in Daegu in Korea in November for 2.1 million won, that's about 3000 CDN a month. I could do alot of things like take Gumdo, do alot of writing and thinking. So I'm going to look into doing the CELTA in Canada. Hopefully in Halifax. Gotta go look into that.

So I sent a few people the address of the poetry blog, and Pili got all irate and made a bunch of comments on it. I have no further interest in talking to her. She seems more interested in self-glorification than in the truth. But that's not what annoys me. She could have emailed me and said that she had some kind of problem with my poems, instead of turning my poetry blog into a venue for the continuing story of how Adam and Pili hate each other. There's only a few poems directly related to her, and I put them up not as therapy but as art. Ge seki.

So the poetry blog is up and running....and I got a comment on it already from a man who somewhat scares me. He's some sort of musician living in California and he said that he could really relate to my work. Naturally flattered, I checked out his blog, and he has some major issues. Not that I don't have major issues myself, but it's just scarey to see someone dealing with the same things. I don't want my art to sound like me though. It has to come from me, but it doesn't have to be me, if you understand. I'm at the point where I'm not exactly sure what I want right now. Whether to come back to Korea for another year, or go somewhere else. I'm not sure the person I am currently with romantically is the right person for me. She's pretty sweet, but communication is hard, and I don't think we share the same interests. I don't think she has many interests. Yeah. Maybe it's best to go for adventure, but I am scared of the unknown. And of being a prick. But why can't I be a prick? No one is going to hold the door open for me. I have to do it myself. I was reading my journal from seven years ago. Funny how nothing changes. I'm still scared of the same things, I'm just far less purposeful. Which is liberating in a way. I do what I do. I write, I create, and if anybody gets anything out of it, so be it. I'm glad the guy in California liked my poetry. I communicated, and that's why I wrote the damn stuff in the first place.

So my bosom buddy, Josh has a blog now, and it's pretty fucking hilarious, check it out, http://skippingmywaytothefunnyfarm.blogspot.com/.   The humour on my blog is purely unintentional, but I don't care as long as you peons are entertained.  So I'm busy typing up my poems, and as soon as I burn them onto a c.d. I'll up load them onto the poetry blog.  Then I'll work on a play blog, a song blog, a picking my nose with hoes blog, etc.  The Korean government has stopped censoring blogs, which is good.  Saves me from the mild irritation of finding websites that exist to get around the censorship. 
   Korea, Korea.  Major things are going on in Korea nowadays, but the Korean media seems to want to keep it's people in the dark.  A couple of days ago about 200 people defected from North Korea.  This is the largest defections since the end of the Korean war, but no one's mentioning it in the south.  I think because the worst kept secret here is that the South korean establishment doesn't want reunification.  It would be too costly for them, think of East Germany on an infinitely grander scale.  So they try to hush up the fact that North Korean remains one of the world's most repressive and cruel regimes.  A person who defected before the mass defection was a scientist in the North.  What was his job?  His job was to perform human experiments.  Political prisoners would be gased to test the effects of chemical weapons.  Too bad the North wasn't sitting on a huge oil reserve like Iraq.  Saddam's regime dated from only the eighties.  These people have been suffering since the end of the Korean war.  There is also a chain of concentration camps throughout the countries where dissidents, (or people who break abritary rules, people who are completely apolitical) are held, and where their families are held.  That's right.  If your daddy insults the dear Leader, you, your mommy and your baby sister can all be put in a concentration camp.  And the U.S. is more concerned with those pesky nuclear fictions the north has invented.  No wonder their reputation here is abysmal.  They couldn't give a fuck about people.
     Well, enough of that rant.  I'm officially on vacation now, and I went on a date with Sumin to a park.  It was o.k., but she really liked it.  She hadn't been there.   It has a like, and there was a band practicing.    I'm waiting in the pc bang until 9:00 to watch King Arthur.  All of the summer blockbusters are starting now, because the little kiddies vacation started this week.  I saw fierenheight (fucking kraut speiling!  Zieg Heil!)  911 last week.  I, suprisingly didn't like it.  It seemed to be like one long conspiracy theory.  I mean, it's probably true, but it wasn't entertaining.  Bowling for Columbine, I think is a much better film.  It's serious, but also funny, it's perfect satire.  911 lacked the humour.  Yes, it is a serious subject, but Moore style has always been bittingly funny satire.  I'm thinking of two scenes in particular from his movies.  The first is from Roger and Me, where he is interviewing the rabbit skinner.  He has sympathy for her, but can't help at the same time making fun of her.  The second is where he goes in to a bank to claim his free gun because he opened an account.  That entire situation is funny, and his quiet questioning of the logic behind the offer is devastingly funny.  Where is that in 911?  C'mon, it was obvious to me that Bush was gunning for Iraq for a long time, and the case for war was pretty flimsy.  That's funny, but he never capitalizes on it.  Hope the mindless summer flick is as mindless is as mindless does.

This is the address of the poetry blog...it looks pretty good, I think:  http://adamtodlevertonpoetry.blogspot.com/

So things are going well, my last month in Korea, will be a relatively easy one, at least at work.  I don't have to work on Saturdays.  I have many things to do, find a job before I leave, etc.  I'm uncertain what the future holds for me, at least the two months I'm going to be in Canada.  I think that Chris and Chantal got married (they were going to sometime in July, I don't remember when), and I hope that the wedding was good.  They are probably pissed off that I didn't call them to congratulate them.  Oh well, I'm pissed off that in one year, they didn't make any effort whatsoever to communicate with me.  I wrote not many, but a few letters, and they didn't respond.  I know that you are busy, but it doesn't take that long to write one sentence and stick the letter in the mail.  Just another sign how incredibly disfunctional my family is.  I knew that intellectually, but never figured it out in my heart until recently.  On a different note, I've been having these ideas for comic books lately.  My latest is an adult comic (not a porn, but with occasional sex, and adult themes), called Rainbow Boy.  It's a comedy, Rainbow Boy's super power is that he shoots colours at people, and they are blinded.  His mortal enemy is Dr. Drab.  Dr. Drab's powers are that he sucks colours out of people and things.  Rainbow Boy leads a very hedonistic life, and devoted to pleasing himself, he's also very rich and never had to work a day in his life.  Dr. Drab works very hard, and has hard a very hard life and the world has made him cynical and despondant.  Very witty, sarcastic type of humour.  They are also best friends in real life, and have no idea of the other's secret identies.  Rainbow Boy became a super hero by falling into a vat of crayon goo at the Crayola factory.  Dr. Drab became an archvillian by teaching indifferent students for years.  The first issue would be the story of their lives and genesis.  It could have a ridiculous title like, Rainbow Boy and the...and well, I can't think of something right now, but something pretensious.  I have ideas for episodes.  Dr. Drab gets revenge on his ex but draining the colour out of her while she's doing the nasty, thus freaking out her unsuspecting lover. 

So, I've found a way to read my blog from Korea, which makes me happy.  Apparently, it's still illegal, but it's not like I'm using it to subvert the Korean government or anything.  I won't mention how I'm doing this for fear of tipping off those people in charge of the censorship.  I don't think it's site specific, that I think that all blogs are being sensored.  I'm working alot, this week, because J.P. went home for his brother's wedding, and the new vacation classes have started.  I'll be teaching 11 classes on Monday.  I think that I will be able to find some kind of job in Daegu, I just have to get up off my ass and do it.  I have been playing civilization again, which makes me happy too.  I've also started a specific blog for my poetry, I'll post the address latter. 

My yahoo appears to be working now, so no worries, my legions of devoted correspondents.

There's something strange going on.  I've been unable to access my yahoo account from certain computers.  I hope this is not another instance of the Korean government censoring the internet.  It would really suck because I don't have people's email addresses written down anywhere else.  And what for the last while has been temporary ignoral could turn into something more permanent.  I can always check it when I get back to Canada, but I would like to be able to talk to people before then.   On a different note, the mating ritual of Sumin and Adam continues, I believe after knowing her for about five months, I have finally got to first base.  Depending on how liberal your placement of the bases is.  I'm going to see the new Harry Potter movie, because I'm a glutton for punishment.  Pili was a huge Harry Potter fan.  She hated the movie though, so I'm sure I'll really enjoy it.

Sumin got me the computer today.  She ordered it, anyway.  It should arrive on Monday or Tuesday.  I was kind of nervous.  I thought maybe she would run away with all of my money.  Not seriously nervous, but I do have 10,000 dollars in my account, and she did have my bank card.  That's alot of money.  You could probably live for decades in some places with that money.  To think it only took me a year to save it.  It really puts working at shitty jobs in perspective.  Sure, this may be a shitty job, but it's a shitty job with great benefits.  I was randomly googling just now, after finishing my Korean studying for the day, and I found Janice W.  The first person I ever had bad sex with.  Oh, the fond memories!  She's friggin' huge!  I think I made the right choice callously disregarding her feelings and not returning her phone calls.  And Jen, the person I had a virtual affair with, or in real people terms, just flirted with, hasn't gotten back to me.  Probably put my foot in my mouth.  Oh well.  I am very unmotivated to write e-mails lately.  The truth is I want to write long ones, and receive long ones, and if I know I'm going to write a short one, my heart isn't in it. 

My current adventure involves buying a lap top. It's the first time that I've ever considered buying a computer, while simultaneously having enough money to act on my considerations. I got Sumin to help me order it online and I paid for it. It was the first time I spent about a thousand bucks in less than 8 seconds. But unfortunately the computer wasn't in stock, so they told me I couldn't buy it. But there were some days when I thought that they wouldn't give me my money back, but I've found out today that they have indeed given me my money back, much to my relief. I'm going to try and buy another computer online and hope that I have more luck.

Just found out that my blog is being censored by the friendly Korean government. I can publish to it, but I can't read what I've written. This has to do with the video of the Korean who was beheaded a month ago in Iraq. Some blogs were showing it. I think it's just an excuse to prevent any negative comments from escaping about Korea....

Thoughts in a PC Room late at night.

This was my day. I woke up late in the morning because I had been out drinking with Sumin's co-workers, and with some of mine. J.P. moved into the situation, effortlessly, and I was somewhat detached. I don't like people. It's not that I don't like them, they scare me. I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. I want to be free of the burden of consequence. I went to work, and started by checking my e-mail. I only had one, but it was from someone I flirted on-line briefly about two years ago. We made vague plans of meeting, but she found an actual boyfriend. It was good to hear from her, I really enjoyed getting to know her, but what derailed me was her claim that I was a genuine person. And it hit me that I'm not a genuinine person. I do things because they are the easy things to do. I drift. I didn't have the courage to end it with Pili then because I had free rent. And the same thing happened with, god, I don't even remember her name. Shannon, that's it. A cute actress I worked with for six months. I was madly in love with her. But I stayed with Pili. I have no moral high ground, never have. Then I watched adaptation, and it reminded me how tenuous my grasp on contentment really is. It seems like to be happy I have to lie to myself. Sumin doesn't make me happy, and frankly, I don't know what does, or what would. The only thing that makes me happy, a bit, is making other people happy, and that's pretty hollow.

I saw the new Spiderman movie, and I liked it just as much as the first one. If you want a detailed explanation of why the movie is great, check out my friend Josh's review at www.cinn.ca. It's pretty good and true. I have been spending alot of time with Sumin, because my schedule has changed and she's going to be leaving soon, so I want to spend as much time as possible with her. I can't help but compare her with Pili, and the contrast is striking. Sumin's an infinitely trust worthy person. I know she's going to do her best all of the time, she would never sleep with her ex-boyfriend while she was me. She's not the most intelligent woman, but she's got sparkle. Pili is a hurricane. The thing with a hurricane is that sure, there's a lot of wind, but the centre is empty. I don't think I want to talk to her for a while. She hasn't done anything wrong, but it seems she wants me to be her friend, more that she wants to be my friend. I don't like that. We were equal partners for a long time, I'm not going to start playing second fiddle to her now. So, something weird happened to me today. In one of my favorite class, we were talking at the end of the class, and a girl told me that she had tried to commit suicide. I didn't know what to do or say. I told the Korean teachers, and they seemed, not to care. I wonder if they care about there students at all. I care about many of them. It was just strange. In Canada, there would have been a bigger reaction, and rightly so, I think. Most of the time, these things are just phases, but sometimes, not. And Luke got a written warning. If you get three written warnings at ECC they can fire you. He was late 20 mins. late for class (his motorcycle was broken), and then he was caught studying Korean in class. He doesn't seem very happy lately. I think it's the mid year slump. I'm worried about him. I'm not close to him, but I like him.