Nothing much doing. The universe is tilting as it should. I'm here when I really shouldn't be. I should be at home, making myself dinner, but anyway. I destroyed the civilization game I have after I spent a total of ten hours playing it on the weekend. Not very productive. I could use that time to write. I had a good, but long day. Moments of mirth. One of my students is pretty hyperactive. I told him to draw Jupiter, as we were learning planets. He drew a zookeeper. Funny mind that.

I spent the evening watching fifty first dates, the Adam Sandler movie and Scary Movie. I hadn't seen alot of these big budget comedies when I was living in Peterborough. Movies being damn expensive to go to, but I digress. I thought 50 dates was excellent comedy and Scary Movie was just stupid. Adam Sandler, I think is maturing as a comic actor, sort of becoming like Jim Carey. I think they are both my favorite actors, because they can pull off zany physical comedy, but they also have a sort of gravitas. So why was fifty dates so great, and why did Scary Movie blow? Fifty Dates had an interesting premise, and great writing and subtle comic acting. Scary Movie, is supposed to be a satire on the nineties horror flick, but it's just a bunch of sex jokes. It's exactly like watching Korean porn. (After 12 o'clock they show on Korean television really bad Korean, and western soft core porn. ) It's funny that I don't consider myself a prude, but I think sex jokes are really crass. And when I say crass, I mean crass in the true sense of the word, unrefined. Anybody can make a sex joke. It takes more intelligence to make a joke about something else. For example, I will give you two examples. What a bad sentence, forgive o ye gods of good English prosody, i.e. Orwell. What a pretensious excuse. Anyway, Dan Ackroyd's character says, "I heard that Walruses have the second biggest penises of any mammals. I have the largest". And in scary movie, the virgins are having sex, and the repressed male shoots sperm like a fire hose, covering everything. O.k., so I laughed. But which joke am I more likely to steal and use in my daily life?
I had this deep intellectual thought today. That we humans are almost on the verge of evolving into a super-organism. The thing that prevents us, is that we are much more likely to do the things that satisfy our own individual needs and that of our family and our social group. Nothing wrong with that when you are a nomad and you share the planet with other nomads, but now it's completely different. Humans are the most successful large mammals. There are billions of humans. I think our only mammal competitor in terms of numbers are rodents. So if we are so successful, we are in danger. Why? Because if we keep doing things just for us, and our families, and our social groups, we are going to destroy our civilization. I don't say planet, because even if we fuck it up so badly that we cause ourselves to be extinct, the planet will still go on. Everybody wants a car for their family, right? If there are 6 billion people on the planet, my conservative estimate is that there are 1 billion cars, and trucks on the planet. That's an awful lot of polution. I think the only way forward is some sort of Green Fascism. If we are to survive, not everyone can have a car. The problem is that, if people are going to be given free choice, they won't choose the best thing for humanity, the will choose the best thing for themselves, and their family. I think that if humanity wants to involve, there has to be some sort of new spiritual movement, dedicated to several goals. The first is to make sure that all of the basic needs of humanity are met, i.e., the food resources of the planet are shared equally, and that all war ends, etc. The next is to make sure that the enviromental damage that we have done to the planet is reversed, and simultaneously learn how to live as a super species in harmony with it's evironment. And then, and this may sound crazy, but I think the next stage for humanity is interplanetary colonization. We are intelligent enough to do it, and wise enough to want to. Why does this need to be a spiritual movement? Because socialism, the only philosophy to come close to espousing these goals is intellectual. It has no loyalty from the heart, of many of the people who hold its ideals. I think I need to think more about this.

Sumin stayed over at my place last night. No, nothing happened. Nothing could possibly happy between us in a million years. It's like we skipped the whole passionate first stages of our romance and firmly fixed ourselves in the unpassionate doldrums. I really like her as a friend, but I can't see myself with her. She does things which I don't quite understand, like checking how she looks about three times an hour. Last night, before going to sleep she combed her hair. I could see maybe coming your hair, but she used a mirror to make sure everything was strait. Maybe uneven hair keeps her awake. She slept on the couch, and I in one of my two beds. Because, she is ever the Victorian. Freud would have a field day. I was kind of irritated because she didn't tell me when she was coming and I waited until 3:00 a.m and then she showed up at 3:30 when I was sleeping. We had a good day today. We went out for lunch, and then to the pc bang, and then we had a walk in the "Grand" Park. She got stung by a wasp and freaked out, thinking the stinger was still inside of the wound. I did a quick lesson in the differences between bee and wasp stingers and she seemed reassured. I won't see her for about a week, as she's moving to Pusan. I think I like blogging...it's much more communicative that traditional journals, or books. I mean, my mom can tell me what she thinks of my poems, my ex can tell me what she thinks, random strangers can tell me what they think. I like that.

I was re-reading the blog when I realized I should check whether or not the money has gone into my bank account in Canada. I have had a great idea, and it's not even new. It's the reawakening of an old idea. It's to start a traveling theatre company. My idea is that it would travel to rural areas, areas where the theatre is the sport of shrivelled up old ladies, and make it exciting, fun again. It could do my plays, and the plays of the other members of the group. But it wouldn't be theatre just in the traditional sense. It could be juggling, and busking, an event. People could talk about it like, 'do you remember that time that troupe came to town?' It would be very proletarian. Theatre for the masses and not just for the rich of Toronto or Vancouver, or the idle and pretensious, like in Peterborough. I had this idea before, after my stint with the Young Players ended, but now I am actually in a place where I could make it happen. Both in my personal life and in economic terms. I think I would come back to Korea, to pay off the student loan and to save money, and write. The problem is that Sumin is still around, and she wants to live with me. I don't think I could be very creative with her around, and as she's a prude to the extreme, I wouldn't even get the fringe benefits of living with someone. A bonus is that I think Jen would be interested in the theatre idea. I think I'll talk to her about it.

Yeah, so I went to the bank today. It was an excercise in frustration. I think I sent money back to Canada, but I won't know until I call my bank back home. Yeah, so Josh stuck up for in me in an e-mail saying that Pili is well, Pili and that I've never been a mooch. Thanks bro' you rock. Not much more to say, last day of vacation and then I have to go back to work. I'm planning what I'm going to do when I go back to Canada. I'm thinking of taking the CELTA in Hungary, but I just got an offer to work in Daegu in Korea in November for 2.1 million won, that's about 3000 CDN a month. I could do alot of things like take Gumdo, do alot of writing and thinking. So I'm going to look into doing the CELTA in Canada. Hopefully in Halifax. Gotta go look into that.

So I sent a few people the address of the poetry blog, and Pili got all irate and made a bunch of comments on it. I have no further interest in talking to her. She seems more interested in self-glorification than in the truth. But that's not what annoys me. She could have emailed me and said that she had some kind of problem with my poems, instead of turning my poetry blog into a venue for the continuing story of how Adam and Pili hate each other. There's only a few poems directly related to her, and I put them up not as therapy but as art. Ge seki.

So the poetry blog is up and running....and I got a comment on it already from a man who somewhat scares me. He's some sort of musician living in California and he said that he could really relate to my work. Naturally flattered, I checked out his blog, and he has some major issues. Not that I don't have major issues myself, but it's just scarey to see someone dealing with the same things. I don't want my art to sound like me though. It has to come from me, but it doesn't have to be me, if you understand. I'm at the point where I'm not exactly sure what I want right now. Whether to come back to Korea for another year, or go somewhere else. I'm not sure the person I am currently with romantically is the right person for me. She's pretty sweet, but communication is hard, and I don't think we share the same interests. I don't think she has many interests. Yeah. Maybe it's best to go for adventure, but I am scared of the unknown. And of being a prick. But why can't I be a prick? No one is going to hold the door open for me. I have to do it myself. I was reading my journal from seven years ago. Funny how nothing changes. I'm still scared of the same things, I'm just far less purposeful. Which is liberating in a way. I do what I do. I write, I create, and if anybody gets anything out of it, so be it. I'm glad the guy in California liked my poetry. I communicated, and that's why I wrote the damn stuff in the first place.

So my bosom buddy, Josh has a blog now, and it's pretty fucking hilarious, check it out, http://skippingmywaytothefunnyfarm.blogspot.com/.   The humour on my blog is purely unintentional, but I don't care as long as you peons are entertained.  So I'm busy typing up my poems, and as soon as I burn them onto a c.d. I'll up load them onto the poetry blog.  Then I'll work on a play blog, a song blog, a picking my nose with hoes blog, etc.  The Korean government has stopped censoring blogs, which is good.  Saves me from the mild irritation of finding websites that exist to get around the censorship. 
   Korea, Korea.  Major things are going on in Korea nowadays, but the Korean media seems to want to keep it's people in the dark.  A couple of days ago about 200 people defected from North Korea.  This is the largest defections since the end of the Korean war, but no one's mentioning it in the south.  I think because the worst kept secret here is that the South korean establishment doesn't want reunification.  It would be too costly for them, think of East Germany on an infinitely grander scale.  So they try to hush up the fact that North Korean remains one of the world's most repressive and cruel regimes.  A person who defected before the mass defection was a scientist in the North.  What was his job?  His job was to perform human experiments.  Political prisoners would be gased to test the effects of chemical weapons.  Too bad the North wasn't sitting on a huge oil reserve like Iraq.  Saddam's regime dated from only the eighties.  These people have been suffering since the end of the Korean war.  There is also a chain of concentration camps throughout the countries where dissidents, (or people who break abritary rules, people who are completely apolitical) are held, and where their families are held.  That's right.  If your daddy insults the dear Leader, you, your mommy and your baby sister can all be put in a concentration camp.  And the U.S. is more concerned with those pesky nuclear fictions the north has invented.  No wonder their reputation here is abysmal.  They couldn't give a fuck about people.
     Well, enough of that rant.  I'm officially on vacation now, and I went on a date with Sumin to a park.  It was o.k., but she really liked it.  She hadn't been there.   It has a like, and there was a band practicing.    I'm waiting in the pc bang until 9:00 to watch King Arthur.  All of the summer blockbusters are starting now, because the little kiddies vacation started this week.  I saw fierenheight (fucking kraut speiling!  Zieg Heil!)  911 last week.  I, suprisingly didn't like it.  It seemed to be like one long conspiracy theory.  I mean, it's probably true, but it wasn't entertaining.  Bowling for Columbine, I think is a much better film.  It's serious, but also funny, it's perfect satire.  911 lacked the humour.  Yes, it is a serious subject, but Moore style has always been bittingly funny satire.  I'm thinking of two scenes in particular from his movies.  The first is from Roger and Me, where he is interviewing the rabbit skinner.  He has sympathy for her, but can't help at the same time making fun of her.  The second is where he goes in to a bank to claim his free gun because he opened an account.  That entire situation is funny, and his quiet questioning of the logic behind the offer is devastingly funny.  Where is that in 911?  C'mon, it was obvious to me that Bush was gunning for Iraq for a long time, and the case for war was pretty flimsy.  That's funny, but he never capitalizes on it.  Hope the mindless summer flick is as mindless is as mindless does.

This is the address of the poetry blog...it looks pretty good, I think:  http://adamtodlevertonpoetry.blogspot.com/

So things are going well, my last month in Korea, will be a relatively easy one, at least at work.  I don't have to work on Saturdays.  I have many things to do, find a job before I leave, etc.  I'm uncertain what the future holds for me, at least the two months I'm going to be in Canada.  I think that Chris and Chantal got married (they were going to sometime in July, I don't remember when), and I hope that the wedding was good.  They are probably pissed off that I didn't call them to congratulate them.  Oh well, I'm pissed off that in one year, they didn't make any effort whatsoever to communicate with me.  I wrote not many, but a few letters, and they didn't respond.  I know that you are busy, but it doesn't take that long to write one sentence and stick the letter in the mail.  Just another sign how incredibly disfunctional my family is.  I knew that intellectually, but never figured it out in my heart until recently.  On a different note, I've been having these ideas for comic books lately.  My latest is an adult comic (not a porn, but with occasional sex, and adult themes), called Rainbow Boy.  It's a comedy, Rainbow Boy's super power is that he shoots colours at people, and they are blinded.  His mortal enemy is Dr. Drab.  Dr. Drab's powers are that he sucks colours out of people and things.  Rainbow Boy leads a very hedonistic life, and devoted to pleasing himself, he's also very rich and never had to work a day in his life.  Dr. Drab works very hard, and has hard a very hard life and the world has made him cynical and despondant.  Very witty, sarcastic type of humour.  They are also best friends in real life, and have no idea of the other's secret identies.  Rainbow Boy became a super hero by falling into a vat of crayon goo at the Crayola factory.  Dr. Drab became an archvillian by teaching indifferent students for years.  The first issue would be the story of their lives and genesis.  It could have a ridiculous title like, Rainbow Boy and the...and well, I can't think of something right now, but something pretensious.  I have ideas for episodes.  Dr. Drab gets revenge on his ex but draining the colour out of her while she's doing the nasty, thus freaking out her unsuspecting lover. 

So, I've found a way to read my blog from Korea, which makes me happy.  Apparently, it's still illegal, but it's not like I'm using it to subvert the Korean government or anything.  I won't mention how I'm doing this for fear of tipping off those people in charge of the censorship.  I don't think it's site specific, that I think that all blogs are being sensored.  I'm working alot, this week, because J.P. went home for his brother's wedding, and the new vacation classes have started.  I'll be teaching 11 classes on Monday.  I think that I will be able to find some kind of job in Daegu, I just have to get up off my ass and do it.  I have been playing civilization again, which makes me happy too.  I've also started a specific blog for my poetry, I'll post the address latter. 

My yahoo appears to be working now, so no worries, my legions of devoted correspondents.

There's something strange going on.  I've been unable to access my yahoo account from certain computers.  I hope this is not another instance of the Korean government censoring the internet.  It would really suck because I don't have people's email addresses written down anywhere else.  And what for the last while has been temporary ignoral could turn into something more permanent.  I can always check it when I get back to Canada, but I would like to be able to talk to people before then.   On a different note, the mating ritual of Sumin and Adam continues, I believe after knowing her for about five months, I have finally got to first base.  Depending on how liberal your placement of the bases is.  I'm going to see the new Harry Potter movie, because I'm a glutton for punishment.  Pili was a huge Harry Potter fan.  She hated the movie though, so I'm sure I'll really enjoy it.

Sumin got me the computer today.  She ordered it, anyway.  It should arrive on Monday or Tuesday.  I was kind of nervous.  I thought maybe she would run away with all of my money.  Not seriously nervous, but I do have 10,000 dollars in my account, and she did have my bank card.  That's alot of money.  You could probably live for decades in some places with that money.  To think it only took me a year to save it.  It really puts working at shitty jobs in perspective.  Sure, this may be a shitty job, but it's a shitty job with great benefits.  I was randomly googling just now, after finishing my Korean studying for the day, and I found Janice W.  The first person I ever had bad sex with.  Oh, the fond memories!  She's friggin' huge!  I think I made the right choice callously disregarding her feelings and not returning her phone calls.  And Jen, the person I had a virtual affair with, or in real people terms, just flirted with, hasn't gotten back to me.  Probably put my foot in my mouth.  Oh well.  I am very unmotivated to write e-mails lately.  The truth is I want to write long ones, and receive long ones, and if I know I'm going to write a short one, my heart isn't in it. 

My current adventure involves buying a lap top. It's the first time that I've ever considered buying a computer, while simultaneously having enough money to act on my considerations. I got Sumin to help me order it online and I paid for it. It was the first time I spent about a thousand bucks in less than 8 seconds. But unfortunately the computer wasn't in stock, so they told me I couldn't buy it. But there were some days when I thought that they wouldn't give me my money back, but I've found out today that they have indeed given me my money back, much to my relief. I'm going to try and buy another computer online and hope that I have more luck.

Just found out that my blog is being censored by the friendly Korean government. I can publish to it, but I can't read what I've written. This has to do with the video of the Korean who was beheaded a month ago in Iraq. Some blogs were showing it. I think it's just an excuse to prevent any negative comments from escaping about Korea....

Thoughts in a PC Room late at night.

This was my day. I woke up late in the morning because I had been out drinking with Sumin's co-workers, and with some of mine. J.P. moved into the situation, effortlessly, and I was somewhat detached. I don't like people. It's not that I don't like them, they scare me. I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. I want to be free of the burden of consequence. I went to work, and started by checking my e-mail. I only had one, but it was from someone I flirted on-line briefly about two years ago. We made vague plans of meeting, but she found an actual boyfriend. It was good to hear from her, I really enjoyed getting to know her, but what derailed me was her claim that I was a genuine person. And it hit me that I'm not a genuinine person. I do things because they are the easy things to do. I drift. I didn't have the courage to end it with Pili then because I had free rent. And the same thing happened with, god, I don't even remember her name. Shannon, that's it. A cute actress I worked with for six months. I was madly in love with her. But I stayed with Pili. I have no moral high ground, never have. Then I watched adaptation, and it reminded me how tenuous my grasp on contentment really is. It seems like to be happy I have to lie to myself. Sumin doesn't make me happy, and frankly, I don't know what does, or what would. The only thing that makes me happy, a bit, is making other people happy, and that's pretty hollow.